bunyi cengkerik di Tun Puteri.

haha. mesti awesome gila kan dapat dengar bunyi cengkerik kat kolej Tun Puteri. sebab the fact is, kitorang tak pernah nak diam. jadi, inilah pengalaman saya pulang lewat ke kL sebab transportation terhad. -.- so, my roommate and i, jia, (thank God she took the ride with me if not i will be all alone dah) adalah orang yang terakhir left at bilik carpet tu. okay, ada kak mirza tapi she went off to kolej Tun Teja for a company sebab she's going off the next day.

so, at 9pm, my college dah macam...

KRIK. KRIK. KRIK

itu bunyi cengkerik, k. jangan confuse. hihi. sumpah sangat scary tau tak. dah la ade macam macam cerita lately dekat kolej tu. haish. first time merasa balik lambat and first time merasa kolej tun puteri sangat sunyi. @.@

along sampai around 9 almost 10 at night. dan oleh sebab saya terlalu excited nak balik, i just wore my toilet flipflops and hop into the car and left all my other footwear there. i mean ALL. awesome gilaa kan? -.-

so yea. itu lah pengalaman yang menakutkan gilaa terjadi kepada saya pada hari jumaat, 28 january yang lepas. tak cool tau tak. macam ape je. dah la balik lambat, scary yang amat, and tertinggal kasut pulak. maybe i do need a fourleaves clover. kan? ish ish ish.

im still upset though, sebab tak dapat ke pantai. shish, i want to go to the beach so badly okayy. it have been a while since i walk barefootedly on the beach. I WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH. i want to play by the water and watch sunset. :) mengada kan? ah, i dont care! 

someone please take me there. 

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thankyou. :)

for being super awesome.

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What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all other people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right

I'm tripping on words

You've got my head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all other people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now

I can't quite figure out

Everything she does is beautiful

Everything she does is right

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all other people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

and me and all other people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all other people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?

And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive 

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you just somehow amaze me.

thats all for tonight, have a good sleep everyone.

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oh emm jii. :O

hey you.

SUMPAH YOU COMEL, K.

serious.

kdahbai.

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wah. lendu sangat indah. :D

dah nak dekat setengah tahun menetap kat lendu baru nak perasan indah ke tak kann? anyways. thank God that now, lendu is starting to be nice to me. thankyou lendu. i love you more than you think i do.

so, how am i? yeah, im doing great. things get a little messy at first but its okay now. assignments went well, friends have been okay and classes were great. everything is under control already. and i have been laughing a lot lately. i guess i got my laugh-out-loud charm back. :D

so im actually leaving two things behind. im leaving you and you. kenapa ah nak tinggaltinggal? eh, sukati la. hahaha. dah la. sometimes there are memories that worth to be deleted so that the future wont be dimmed by the past. haha. cool tak ayat saya :P

roommates have been awesome, k. lepak dengan diorang sangat awesome. for this month only, i have been going out alot. with roommates, with nasha and the friends from kL. i had serious fun and there is just so much more thing that have been putting a smile on my face too. hey. my life is great so far, k? ;)

so i might not turn out as pretty as you hope i'll be. maybe i look even worst after i cut off my hair. whatever. i like the way i look now and at least, AT LEAST, i did not pretend and fake myself out in order to fit in.

i did some stupid mistakes, but i understand that is a process of being smart. maybe then, i could commit SMART MISTAKE pulak. asyik stupid je kann. haha.
i forgive people not because that i am weak but because i feel that i am strong enough to understand that people make mistakes and understand that imperfections are a part of life.
i apologize not because i wanted to have that good impression on me but because i know that i did something wrong and i dont want if something ends there, it have to end miserably.

but yeah, at times, i pretend to be happy when the situations says otherwise.
and at times, i feel absolutely miserable when i actually have  A LOT MORE OTHER REASONS to feel otherwise. :)

sometimes we just have to see beyond ordinary.
sometimes its just there for us, and we are just so blinded to see.
sometimes, LIFE CAN BE TREMENDOUSLY great, only if we have decided to see beyond the flaws.

I AM FREAKING HAPPY OKAY. with or without you, I FEEL JUST GREAT. :)

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because when you finally don't know what to do, you can just HOPE that everything is going to be okay.

wahh. panjangnya post title. -.-

so yea. at this moment here, i have no freaking idea what to do. 

it is like everything went well but it doesn't feel like it. macam ade je yang tak kene.

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suhaida sulaiman, sumpah kau bodoh. -.-

i know that we make mistakes, SERIOUSLY STUPID IDIOTIC MISTAKE. but somehow, i cant seem to just let go of it. its still hurt, tho. i have no freaking idea why. damn yeah, i am stupid. sumpah bodoh. tak  pernah rasa sebodoh ni -.-

the mistake is not the decision on letting you go, but letting you in.

from now on, 

I, SUHAIDA SULAIMAN, DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR, THAT I NEVER GIVE A DAMNN ABOUT YOU ANYMORE AND NOT LETTING YOU TO PUSH ME DOWN ANYMORE.

it is my freaking turn to be happy. oh, wait, I AM HAPPY. thankkyouverymuch.

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sumpah tension doe!

sumpah menyirap dengan keadaan kami sekarang. 

tension gile.

i seriously dont know what to do and i seriously dont know what to say about what happen.

i want to say that i hope things will be like before but,

i know, it will NEVER EVER be the same anymore.

never.

kau tak payah nak rasa kecewa sangatla kann. 

kitorang kat sini lagi rasa dikhianati.

kalau betul kau tak buat, apsal la kau tak nak settle down dengan kitorang, bawak berbincang, 

tanya kenapa kau rase kitorang salahkan kau.

you are the one that make it all obvious, okayy?

sumpah, kitorang tak bodoh sampai cenggitu sekali.

so please.

cutcut the act.

aku sumpah tension. -.-

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dah la awak.

penat menjadi orang yang tak penting.

you make me feel like LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

THE WORLD IS NOT FAIR.

and you are not being fair.

people get tired, dude.

i got tired.

i am important too, okay?

i am important too.

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mereka kata ubat adalah cara terbaik merawat demam. MEREKA TIPU. T.T

i dont take medication. sumpah tak. kecuali kalau dipaksa oleh ma and abah or orangorang yang berkebolehan untuk menipu saya. -.- yes, because it taste sucks and membuatkan saya yang sejak azalinya malas ini bertambah malas dan terasa seperti hendak tidurr sahaja. *sigh.

hey pernah dengar tak pepatah ini;

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE.

so, hey semua penipu, ubat bukanlah jalan terbaik untuk merawat penyakit okehh. its the laughter. jadi, saya nak pergi cari bahan untuk gelak untuk merawat hidung saya yang sedah mula berair ni. salahkan kelas pagi dan cuaca lendu yang sejuk and panas sesuka hati die -.-

anywayyysss. ma call pagi tadi. omg, i miss having that kinna crazy talk with her. i still remember on the last semester break, my mom and i spend like the whole night watching almost all the movies on my lappy. but ofcourse, its because she dont have to work the next day and i just loveeee to watch movies with her. its our quality time together. you know that feeling when you have someone beside you and suddenly everything that went wrong earlier seems to just.... fade. 

i have been here about a month, and for a  month, i have not been watching television, i washed my own clothes and that means that i washed it all by hand, no washing machine or dobi. serious tak tipu. now that i felt so sick, i feel like want to have her here. but yeah, i cannot be a bratt. -.- GROW UP, SUHAIDA. make her proud of you.

jadi, marilah grow up and be strong. :D

but that doesn't mean i have to take medication.

no way.

nak pergi gelak jap. bai.

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saya tak emo.

emo emo emo. *sigh. semalam rasa macam nak marah semua orang. walaupun for the smallest mistake, rasa macam nak cekik je orang tu sampai die tercekik yaAllah, kejamnya aku -.-


lupakan itu. i dont like being emo.

so, i think im undergoing pms. and that is why i have this moodswing thingi. especially after going through a "WONDERFUL" night yesterday. seriously, rakanrakan sekalian, subject (Communication Management) CMP sangat susah. and i am basically the group leader kepada 11members and WE have to basically handle a small event.

susah tak? susah takkkk?

and sebagai group leader, i have to ALWAYS know what to do.

shit. im screwed.

whatever la. i will think of something later. :)

besides that, i have one more proposal that is approaching the dateline and one more assignment that HAVE to be done by NOW. why am i here, then? because the work for me on the assignment that have to be done by now is just to print and bind. :D so yea.

but still, i have to look on their progress on that. -.-

penatlah belagak macam "mother" in group assignments. -.-

oh, talking about individual assignment! shit, i lupa to tell Mdm. Wan (lecturer CMP) that i cant find the organisation chart for Kumon.

see, screwed lagi. -.-

dah la. nak emo jap. bai.

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ada masalah ke saya berbahasa inggeris banyak sangat? -.-

baiklah. saya akan menulis entri kali ini dalam bahasa melayu. *walaupun MESTI ade selit bahasa inggeris sedikit. -.-

saya berdepan dengan masalah segelintir pelajar di sini yang memandang dengan ekspresi wajah yang tidak senang apabila saya bercakap dengan bahasa inggeris dengan rakan saya. yes, i was speaking in English with my roommate because she wants to improve her English. jadi, tolong jangan salahkan saya. -.-

so hey, its not that i talk in English all the time puun. see, its just that i like to selitselit some English. besides, what the hell is wrong with talking in English? memang kadangkadang nak decide to use one language only (either malay or english) tapi macam tak best laa. I'm just being myself. deal with it, boleh tak?

but then, its better to be dislike as who you are, rather than to be like as who you are not. 

you may laugh because you think im different, but i will laugh because all of you are all 

THE SAME.

oh oh. and anywaaaay. my English not good enough puuun. GRAMMAR MISTAKES BERTERABUR OKEYY? sebab saya selalu tak beri sepenuh perhatian dalam kelas bahasa Inggeris sewaktu disekolah dahulu. terutamanya ketika di sekolah rendah. serious tak tipu.

have a good day, readers. thankyou for still spend some moments of your busy life to read my entah apeape punya coretan ini :D

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lost for a moment.

p/s

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this is not ABOUT me.

LIFE. only four letter words but yet, no one can bond that word with the word EASY. because if it is EASY, it is not LIFE. *amende yang aku merepek ni -.-"

anyways, this is me, trying to look at life with different perspective. i am tired of assuming and expecting people to act this and that way, so here i am, to change myself. inspired by friends and mates and people surrounding, i am here to change myself in order to adapt to the situation that WILL NEVER change anymore. wow, now, that sounds more difficult than i can ever imagine.

seriously, readers, what is that that you see in me. when i am standing in front of you, what are the things that came into your mind? 

i'm a brat?

i am SUPERMANJA?

i am soft?

i am happy?

i am trying too hard to fit in?

i am FINE?

is that it? or just more of that? i dont know. somehow, i HATE the first impression. because it is hardly be true enough. but because of good first impression is what brings me to that particular person that SOMETIMES, be just so amazing. so now, i tell you what, THE NEXT TIME, when you met anyone, or talking to someone or whatsoever, just take a step back and think for a moment. maybe, JUST MAYBE, she/he is STUCK IN A PARTICULAR SITUATION that she/he HATES THE MOST and couldn't find a way out. and just have to bare STAYING and face the whole damn shits again.

bytheway, sorry kalau post kali ni emo sikit. :P

so tell me how do you feel when...

1. your BEST FRIEND in the whole world started to think that you are a bitch for DISLIKING her bastard boyfriend that is BARELY even existed and WILLING to lose you, HER FRIEND, that has been holding her back and be there for her when no one else would but she just couldn't let go of that ONE GUY that she NEVER MET, make her waited like an idiot for him for SIX FREAKING HOURS. 

2. you are feeling abit insecure about the environment THAT IS NOT NEW FOR YOU, but still feeling uncomfortable, not because afraid of the people surrounding is not being good to you, but afraid of NOT being good enough for the people surrounding. afraid of falling and not be able to get up and no one is there to help you up.

3. when you have that one person that you once loved. and then disappear. with that, you said that "yes, i dont love him anymore," and you move on, and met others. and when they are in that stage of falling, breaking down, you trying you best to be there, or to make them feel better.but yet, at times that you are in need, they just couldn't be there because they assume that your silence means that you are okay, and when you said "I'M FINE," they think you mean it without sensing the weird tone of your voice or the awkward way that you behave. sometimes they might just blame you and get to their nerves when you dont feel like telling them about the things that bothers you because, BECAUSE, just by having them with you at that particular moment makes you forget about the pain, and makes you feel A LOT MORE better and you dont want to talk about it because you dont want to lose that moments. but then, they dont seem to get it, and when they walk away, they left nothing behind but just a lot of sorrow.


4. so when you saw someone, and you like the way he look, and you trying to start a conversation and you trying to be close to him and you started to like the way he behave, and you started to fall for him and you started to use sweet words when talking, and you started to care about what they might feel, and you started to afraid that you are not good enough for him, and you started to look at other pretty girls and couldn't help but to THINK that he might have fallen for those other girls rather than yourself and then, you often losing words when talking to him and he keep disappointed with you and and and... what do you think you do next? especially when you know that he is hoping for you too.


5. if you are hoping that you could turn back time, and do things differently and then, what? do more mistakes and hoping to turn back time again?


...

its friday and it is really a damn cold morning here in Lendu. my class has been cancelled and i cant do anything better rather than to talk to myself and BELIEVE that things will get better in time. oh, and now its started to rain and i think im going to have a bit of sleep and then go to my next class. DAMNNNNN, LIFE IS GREAT :)

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url changed.

just avoiding someone. :)

life is tremendously great, so far :D

alhamdulillah. 

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eh, din i tell you to shut up?

you said you are SICK of telling me not to go?

eff it, YOU ARE NOT EVEN TRYING.

you want this to be over, FINE.

we will have it that way.

have a good life.

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SHUT UP AND FYS

dont talk to me about being there for each other.

dont talk about friend should be understanding.

dont talk about friend should sit and listen and make you feel better.

dont talk about a good friend and whines about your friends are not being who you want them to be.

fyi, you are not even one of those above.

shut up and think for a moment,

ARE YOU A GOOD FRIEND TOO?

WHAT HAVE YOU DID FOR YOUR FRIEND?

AND WHAT SHE HAD DONE FOR YOU?

it is not that i am bopping up and down, but sometimes you just have to look back and think for a while before blaming anyone or come out with any statements.

  

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screwed!

demam + terasa sangat bodoh + sakit kepala + rasa sangat bersalah pun ade + feel like a loser + morning class tomorrow + damn sleepy but couldn't sleep = HUNGRY. *haha

so yea, as the title of the post says it all, I AM SCREWED. tu je lah nak cakap. tu je yang boleh dikatakan pun. 

and so for you...

dengg, yesterday you  make me dance around the room like crazy people do. today, you stunned me with your harsh words. but still, you able to make me feel guilty. damn, you are good. i dont know what happened just now. maybe it was the fever, maybe it was you, maybe it was me. i dont know. it does left some scratches here in my lil heart but i dont know why i still think its my fault.  why? WHY? why cant i just put the blame on you? WHY IT HAS TO BE ME? *sigh. 

you know what, its so weird how you sounds so angry and so mean but so sweet at the same time. it is so weird how i feel like you just shoot me with all kinds of words but still make perfect sense and yet, left me speechless. its weird how i feel like i couldn't bare with it but i still want it to happen at the same time. i just wish you could understand. understand who i am, which most of the people failed to do. even myself, sometimes dont understand what the hell i am thinking and why the hell i acted this and that way. 

so yea. i dont know what to do, what to say, what to act. never feel this numb and dumb. -.- 

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i'm just going to leave everything behind.

tantan : su, ade baju kebaya takk?
me : ade je. kenapakah?
tantan: heh. esok first class pakai kebaya tauu.
me : huh? tak nak laa. kebaya su tuu... err.
tantan : heh. tak boleh. pakai je. teman intan pakai kebaya!
me : huh. okie.

dan hasilnya...

+belah panjang kat kain and terpaksa diPINkan. -.- 

+kene jalan kepitkepit sampai blok baru kat dataran keris sane -.- 

+kene cover belah kain daripada pak guard yang matanya sentiasa terbuka -.-

maka, itulah yang terjadi di hari pertama kelas saya. :) first class was COMMUNICATION MANAGEMENT. tak pernah dengar kan? sebab we are the first batch yang carry this subject. and then, we have Interpersonal Communication, also another new subject. this just mean that we dont have seniors to refer to. reference in only on books, lecturer and among ourselves. haish. besides that, ade dua lagi subjects kene carry which are the Writing For The Media and Sosiology. 

KAU INGAT SENANG SEMUA TUU?? hah.

baru ingat nak DL sikit this sem. -.- awal awal sem dah rase cam jauuuh je DL tuu. heh.

tak mengapalahh. kita study untuk timba ilmu, bukan untuk DL. *skemaskema. HAHA. anywayss. i have been through a hard time. i'm just kinna annoyed by someone right now. ITS OKAYY. i wont let her bring me down. i sure do disappointed with her and everything she did and i was annoyed all the way through. maybe i just couldn't take it anymore this time.

so, dear you..

it has always been about you all this while, you know. i was always there to listen to your everything and even at times when I AM SOOOOOO DAMN TIRED OF LISTENING, i am still there to listen. just to make you feel better. i bet, if i ask you what is my ex-boyfriend's name, you couldn't even tell me the correct answer. you know why, because you dont even care. IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU. you you and you all along. if you dont need me anymore, that is perfectly fine with me. i sure can live just perfectly fine without you. in the meanwhile, try to do a bit of growing up, yeah? i am not suddenly acting this way, FRIEND. i just have been keeping about this too long before until i cant bare it anymore. you have just gone beyond my patience. atleast i never did trying to hit on any of your boyfriends and let you contact your OWN boyfriend through me without passing to you the number. but whatever, you do the judgement. people get tired. i got tired. im tired of you and everything you are messing with. tyvm. 

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oh my "BESTFRIEND"

he is fake.

he is a big liar.

he is stupid.

he took you for granted.

he break his promises.

he make you waited like an IDIOT since morning till 800pm.

he is someone that will not chase you if you walk away. and that is why you afraid of walking away at the first place.

he is a person you NEVER met before. okay, maybe once, and that was years ago.

he might not even exist in this whole entire world.

he might just be like some kind of joke for you.

he is just SIMPLY NOTHING.

and you dont even have his number.

and you have to talk to him THROUGH your friend.

and you AFRAID to tell me almost all the truth because you AFRAID that i might be right.

and you did not say even a word to me after dragging me into a mess and make me feel like a total idiot too.

and you doesn't seem to want to catch me back after i said i want to walk away and leave you with him.

and you ..

and you decided to choose to stay with him.

the person that YOU, YOURSELF not even sure ever existed in the world instead of ...

I AM TIRED. i am tired of being the listener to a person that choose NOT TO LISTEN. i am tired of being the one that have to sacrifice over something worthless. i am not trying to ask you to do what i ask you to do. if you realize and take a step back actually you NEVER DID do whatever i ADVICE you to do. i never did trying to ask you to do things that you dont want to do but i am trying to help you to not looking stupid and do stupid stuff and regret about the whole thing later. whatever it is, thankyou, friend, thankyou so much for say it right to my face show clearly that you dont need me and i am just less important to be compare to the fake bastard. thankyouverymuch. thankyou for not stopping me from walking away from the friendship. be happy. i'll be okay.

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farewell, long hair ;)

remember at the previousprevious post where i told you that i'm keeping something as a secret? so here it is. i cut off my hair, and its now short. *duhh. hahaa. so yes, i sure missed my long hair, but whatever, it will eventually grow it back :D so. here are some of the pictures of me with short hair. diam eh. tak perlu cakap banyak. -.- saya tau saya tak pretty, so, SHHH! :)

HAIR OH HAIR! 

please grow fast. :)

even though i have cut you off, i still love you <3

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here's a proper post for you.

thank you for lighting up a few months of my life. even though we din work out but i still do appreciate the existence of you in my life. :) i sure did not blame you for anything that happened between us. i sure did not blame myself for not want to hold on either. you are just not the one i thought you would be. i am sure make some mistakes here and there. i most probably have left some scratches in your heart. but believe me, you probably have no freaking idea what i have been through. how hard i was working on this relationship and how much i have to bare on things you did that somehow somewhere, i don't expect you to do. i am sorry if i done something wrong. i sure have. i am sorry for confessing that i don't love you and be too honest already. i am sorry that i could not hold on long enough to make the relationship work out. back then, i do want to. i was learning to love you and be happy and you know, learning to hold on. and this post right here tidaklah bertujuan untuk menyakitkan hati you lagi. i know by now, you might be taking me as a bitch or anything. i don't pretty much care anymore. there was back then when i am so glad that you found me. but now, my friends convince me that i deserve something better. i owe you an apology and here to tell you that i don't mind being friends. but of course, if you choose to ignore me and kick me the hell out of your life, i am perfectly fine with that too. be happy :) there's no need to be so broken down by a 2months old relationship. there's no need to say that you are severely broken by a girl you know only for a couple of months. but you have proven to me something. you might not realize. because all this while, it was always just me that notice these little things. terima kasih. and sorry. 

p/s : and so for everyone that is reading this, i am back single. so now that you know, please dont ask me anything straight to my face anymore. it annoys me.

-su-

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i dont like you!

I HATE THE WAY YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND!

I HATE THE WAY YOU THINK YOU DO THINGS RIGHT!

I HATE THE WAY YOU SWALLOW YOUR WORDS AND KEEP ON PRETENDING!

THINGS CHANGE, JUST FREAKING ACCEPT IT!

I HATE WHATEVER YOU THINK YOU DO GOOD. 

I HATE IT.

I HATE IT ALL.

you did once said i cakap tak serupa bikin.

perhaps you should look yourself in the mirror now.

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