f February 2011 ~ BeautifulSmile♥

I am perfectly made, and wonderfully flawed. Hi

Monday, February 28, 2011


now that is just 30% of the colony.
there is another car bringing my two lil brothers, my angah and the WIFE :D
and so, my along's girlfriend. :D
i dont catch many pictures of the outing because i was so excited, tho :D

we went off to the beach.
shop at the tesco,
sing birthday song to my beloved mother while having dinner at KFC. 
and that is the BEST day i ever had so far. 
for being so bloody hell awesome and for one very awesome dayy.

awak, sorry if any words in my blog offended you.
but please dont be so sure that i am talking about you.
you are not the only person i have in my life. 
OKAY? :)

and i am looking forward to have a good day ahead.
sure you do too. 
just dont forget to put the smile on your face, okay beautiful people? :)
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Saturday, February 26, 2011

words from the heart.

dear heart, 
hey, everything is okay. please not to worry too much. everything is under control.

i really wish that there is such thing as a guideline in life that tell us what to do next.
because at this very moment, i have no freaking idea where to go next, what is the best thing to do next, what is the best words to speak, what is the best decision to make.

yes, at this point, i am tired of pretending to be okay to hide out my no-i-am-no-okay.

i want to go home.
i do, i really do.
but i know i will be just fine here. im a big girl now, i will survive being away from family.

i want to make everything straight again. i sure did several mistakes. but i am not fit to be punished this way. how can i possibly please everyone.

thankyou. thankyou for making me feel like a total jerk.

untuk awak pulak, saya dah tak enjoy talking to you tau tak. you talk to me macam i am just so stupid to understand what you are saying. you want to sound that you are so smart and so humble and so perfect. but it doesn't seem to work on me. i want the old you when we can talk for hours and laughed over some stupid things, laugh out loud when any of us being so bimbo. i miss having the chat until two or three in the morning, and all we talked about was how stupid the both of us can be.

i miss us being stupid.

imissyou. like so bloody hell much. but now i got the feeling that you are just COMPLETELY gone and most unlikely to be found.

i might look just fine, i might sound okay. but i right now, i feel like screaming. SCREAM MY FREAKING HEART OUT. now, that would be fun. please take me away.

i need you now. 
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Friday, February 25, 2011

scribble scribble

so i might sound so silly and make no sense at all. okay?

please stop saying things that will perhaps, hurt people feelings boleh tak?
even kalau you dah HEARTLESS sangat punn, tak perlu la nak kutuk orang lebihlebih sangat k? because i have feelings too, faham.
stopstopstop pointing out my flaws. that is the VERY last thing on earth that i need you to do.
please have a little respect and pleasepleaseplease becareful on what you have to say. PLEASE becareful with your words. pleaseee. 

i dont think i ever use the word 'PLEASE' this much before.

and so for you,


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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

dear bloggie,

if i could make a wish upon the stars,
i would wish for you to hold me in your arms and never let me go.

err. apa aku merepek ni? -.-
oh maaflah, terlebih emo pulak. post kali ini, tak ada kena mengena dengan apa yang berlaku di atas. :P

bytheway, it have been a while since i updated my blog, right? sure i thought of so many things to write about;
my brother's wedding,
outing in melaka,
the red army day.
but ofcourse again, i dont really have the time and good connection over here to upload those pretty pictures and yes, assignments have been piling up and there are quizzes and mid term exams are coming. *sigh. 
i am having my damn-bad-headaches days. 
so please do excuse me if i am acting weird or being a bitch or having some kind of moodswing. 
basically, i dont feel like myself lately. :)
wait, why did i put a smiley face over there? jeez. 

anyways, rakanrakan. I AM TIRED. i need a freaking break. i do. i really do. please get me out of here. ever for a little while. please. 
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Thursday, February 17, 2011


before i start explaining anything, please, i mean seriously, PLEAASEEE watch the video down here. PLEASSEE. maybe then. you will get what i want to say more clearly. okayh? :D

you can always paused my background music first so that you wont get mixed up.

awesome gila kann? i mean seriously, rakanrakan. WHY EXACTLY YOU HAVE TO SPELL THAT WAY?
dude, it is soooooooo NOT cool tau tak. -.- you will just appear stupid and sounds stupid tahu? i hate it when anyone do that. hate to read those kind of writings, tho.

okaylah, okay. MAYBE. just MAYBE back then when i was immature i did that without me realizing. but as far as i remember, i dont think i ever DID use it in any way at all. i dont know. -.- but seriously rakanrakan, we have to wake up and realize that these kind of things really are stupid, okay? please, you are a grown up, well educated person, PLEASE spell correctly. it wont hurt, kan?

okay maybe me too, often change the letter 'a' behind with 'e'. sort of like;

saja - saje
ada - ade
mana - mane

yes, i still did that tho, ONLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF BEING NOT TOO "BAKU". maybe that is another reason why i prefer writing in english so that i wont have that GUILTY feeling for misspelling those word or sounds so nerdy.

kalau tulis dalam bahasa English, it will sound friendly and not so nerdy and and not damaging any language at all, kan? awesome gilaa kan? :D

so folks, i feel like want to spell correctly again. maybe when i am texting with any of you in malay, i may use the bahasa ew BAHASA BAKU. so dont get freak out or think i had HIGH fever or have a feeling like you are texting A. Samad Said. HAHA.

rakanrakan. marilah kita bersama sama membanteras BAHASA EW ini, okay? dan kalau boleh, kurangkanlah penggunaan short form juga. kalau dalam SMS tu, boleh la diterima lagi. tapi kalau dalam penulisan blog, or nak update status dekat Facebook atau Twitter, janganlah cuba membuktikan theory yang cik Anwar Hadi kemukakan sebentar tadi - mungkin keyboard mereka kekurangan huruf.  HAHA.

have a good day, rakanrakan :)
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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

hahaha, saya nak gedik jap :P

oh perasan tak saya dah tukar background song? :D cool gilaa kan lagu ni *cough.
kalau tak suka dengar, boleh scroll to the end of the page and click pause button k. or navigate away from my page. your choice.

the thing is, when i was going to sleep one night, the melody of the song was lingering at my lips tau. i sure heard this song before but never pay much attention to it. so i thought just, whatthehell, and just go back to sleep. but then when i woke up the next morning, the song is still there, singing in my head. so i ask my roommates if they know what song is it. and that is how i found the song.

everyone knows this song la kan. tsk. its a beautiful song.

the thing is, haha, no, this song has EXACTLY NOTHING TO DO with anything happening in my life tau.
i dont know la, some people just kadangkadang just tersalah tafsir. so i am here to make it clear that this song is just a song that finds me. *cough. err. i dont know why i said that but yes, it is like the song came to me.

tapi, like i said, no, i it have nothing to do in my life ke ape. but it is a beautiful song and yes, it is something i would want to hear repeatedly. and his voice is just so soothing, i feel like he is serenading to me. sorry, i just love serenades. maybe that is why i like the band Secondhand Serenade. haha. okayy. tak ade kene mengena. :P

so that is the story behind my background music.  i have a friend named Shahira Zaini yang tidak menyukai when i sing the song, because um, there's a story behind it la. so, sorry sayang. kau kene tahan la sampai aku bosan dengan lagu ni , k :D

let me put together the lyrics of the song so that you can sing along, if you like to do so. :) enjoy! :D

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know life so far away
But I know that its just a trip
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I'Ve build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

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Monday, February 14, 2011

i wanna be HER.

kenal tak seorang gadis yang sangat cantik, comel, charming and breathtaking, miss TAYLOR SWIFT?
yes, that sweet girl over there, i want to be her so badly.

Taylor Swift is a country music singer and songwriter who came out with extraordinarily easy listening songs.ever songs of hers in kind of like a story of her life. EVERY SINGLE SONG of hers will have a story behind it.

 lemme tell you a bit of the stories :)

her song forever and always is for Joe Jonas tau. and it is an amazing sarcastic song. right on the face. i think its a greatgreat song. :) you will think so if you know the story, really :D

the other song, Back To December is actually for Taylor Lautner, the guy from the movie Twilight and the Twilight Sagas. this song is actually sweet enough until i heard this song right here entitled Enchanted. you should here the song called enchanted, this is the freaking song that makes me want to make this post about her because the song is about Adam Young (Owl City singer) and the sweetest thing is that Adam Young actually make a cover of that song as sort of a reply for the song, enchanted. here's the link : enchanted reply by Adam Young. and i think this is the sweetest thing EVER.

well, i cant possibly mentafsirkan semua lagulagu awesome dia kann. but yea, i want to be her because...
she can play the guitar, something that I HAVE WISHED FOR MY WHOLE LIFE that i know how to work that thing.
she sang just MY-GOD beautifully.
she have AWESOME video clips every time. 
she wrote ALL OF HER FREAKING SONGS and it turns out to be a breathtaking, beautiful and meaningful songs.

i want to be her. i want to be able to write my own songs beautifully and express my feelings and tell my stories through the guitar melodies. i want to be that smart, to be able to arrange simple words into beautiful lyrics. i want to write my stories and have those people hearing and sing along with it. i want them to know my stories and tell them that even though we are different but in any ways at all, our stories crossed. when you go through her songs and you think back and you will say to yourself 'hey, its true. been there, done that'.

i want to be her. i want to be more that just a pretty girl. i want to do what she did. i want to be able to wrote songs and serenade. i want to do all that she did. barulah sweet kann? haha/

i just damn yeah, adore her.
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Friday, February 11, 2011

For you, with love :)

Hey, I am a nineteen years old girl. I am at my last stage of being called a ‘teenager’. Soon, I am to be called ‘adults’. But this post right here is not about me, it is about my lovely brother who finally step onto a higher level in life and called himself as a ‘husband’ to one lucky girl.

Dear brother,
Rasanya macam baru semalam je kaklang mengadamengada dekat angah and you can still shut me off by getting me an ice-cream or something like that. Macam baru semalam je kita main pillow fight kat rumah, sampai rumah bersepah and you bullied me by leaving it all to me to clean up all the mess. It is funny how I realize that today, you are fit to be called a ‘HUSBAND’ to someone and a ‘FATHER’ to someone else. Sebab kaklang rasa macam baru je we go crazy together and angah macam LANSUNG tak menunjukkan ciriciri untuk menjadi seorang suami dan ayah. Haha. Tak bermaksud untuk underestimate ke ape, tapi macam tak percaya that you are now someone with one whole big responsibility on your shoulder. And please don’t get me wrong, deep inside, I am freaking proud of you. 

Adela rasa macam nak nangis je masa haritu dekat majlis when you said the words kan. Haha. Rasa kelakar sebab we are the the pengantin lelaki’s  side tapi rasanya macam tengah melihat seorang kakak yang membesar bersama-sama di kampong dan terpaksa melihat kakaknya pergi dibawa suaminya. *eh, ape aku mengarut ni. Hahaha. Okay, lupakan itu. :D just that at one moment of that in the mosque I felt that it is going to be something like mengurangkan satu ahli keluarga instead of menambahkan ahli keluarga. Faham tak  ape kaklang nak cakap ni? Faham tak? Ish. 

Maaflah, bukan sengaja nak rasa macam tu. It is just maybe because I love you too much. K tak tipu k. Walaupun selalu kena buli dengan angah semua, kaklang still sayang kau tauuu. Baik kan kaklang? Hihi. Dah lama dah tau saya baik :D but despite everything else, yes, I love you and I tend to feel something like we not going to have that crazy moment together anymore. Since later on, you will have your own family to manage and sooner or later, your own kids. Macam the responsibility you got to carry is bigger and we are no longer be a part of your responsibility. Waaa, nak emo jap. HAHA.

But anyhow, takkan la nak biar angah jadi bujang je sampai tua kan? Shish. I will always pray for your happiness and if you are happy, I couldn’t be in anywhere near the sorrow. Kaklang harap angah berjaya dalam hidup and dapat menjadi seorang suami dan ayah yang baik dan tetap maintain sebagai seorang abang yang cool, okay? ;)

Sumpah sayang kamu sampai mati :D

Good luck in new life, k :D

And as if for kakak ipar.
Heh, maafla, emo sikit kat sini. Well you, WELCOME TO THE FAMILY. Of course, we also appreciate you as the one that my brother willing to give up his life for. Walaupun kita lalui macammacam dulu kan, but you must be one special human being for my brother to love you that much. Of course, kaklang akan doakan yang terbaik for you and my brother and your new little family. Rasa macam terancam sikit when later, ade pulak perempuan lain yang lagi tua panggil ma saya ‘MA’ kan, sebab selalunya, suara ayu tu milik saya je. Hihi. Oh, dah kakak sha which is also consider as a family to us. Tapi jangan risau k, paling teruk pun, saya tarik rambut je. Hihi. Joking la.

Dear Suriyati binti Nayan, my official kakak ipar,
I hope you will have a good time with our small little family that have not so much to proud of. Yang paling penting, kaklang harap akak dapat menjaga abang saya dengan baik. :D I know that at times, you have hard times with my brother too, kan? But the fact is, he is one great person. Don’t say that I don’t know him because I have spent my whole freaking life with him. So yes, I definitely know him better.

He will love anything that loves him.
And I am freaking sure that he loves you too. With all of his freaking heart.

Ye, kamu patut rasa tersentuh sekarang dan hughug suami kamu tu. Heh.

Apaapa pun yang terjadi, kaklang harap kamukamu bina rumahtangga yang kukuh and yes, to live happily ever after.

Everyone deserve a fairytale, kan? This is yours, live it to the fullest.
Just remember that there is someone behind here that will always, ALWAYS, love you. :)  <3

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Friday, February 4, 2011

awak awak!

and i dont know why,
i cant keep my mind off you.

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Thursday, February 3, 2011

there is always some sunshine after a little rain. :)

there was once when i was too tired to even think.
memang masa tu sangat emo.

but then i always stick with the quotes up there. cool gilaa kan? XD

i mean, seriously, rakanrakan. i know that you feel so effed up when at times, life is being unfair to us. we keep blaming others, blame the situation, blame just about everything else without knowing that hey, maybe, JUST MAYBE, all these shits will worth later on. MAYBE, there is a freaking reason why we are so effed up now. well, again, there is always some sunshine after a little rain. and even if you are lucky enough, there will be rainbow too.

dont that sounds soothing enough for you? yes? no?

i feel bad when i look behind and i remember how i let myself so drowned by the misery. i feel bad for myself. because i think that it is so freaking unfair to punished yourself over some shits other people done to you. well, yes, maybe to feel a little broken down here and there are normal and all but to constantly feel like you are worthless and forgetting that you are special too, is a stupid thing to do. okay? SE-TUH-PID. well ofcourse, unless if you are the one that be throwing the shits, then YES, IT IS YOUR FAULT.

so the point here is to WAKE UP and SCREW THEM ALL. okay? shish. i tension kadangkadang bila tau orang lain macam down tau tak. and that is why i dont like blogwalking. sebab rasa kesian, tahu? shish. oh, anywayss, hey you precious people, YOU ARE SPECIAL TOO, okay? dont keep blaming yourself. hey, they make mistakes too, okay. they are acting stupid too, okay? so whatthehell. it just mean that you deserve something better.

i know that sometimes we tend to think about others too much. sometimes we feel bad for em and sometimes that we think that that particular person is a total BITCH for making you feel this and that way. but hey, if they are that screwed up, why we even bother about them anymore. if its love, it will turn out right no matter how you turn it around, okay? if its not, then, you will find it later on.

just feel good about yourself.
you are important too.

and yes, at times, dont be afraid to change because good things fall apart so that BETTER things can fall together.

take good care of yourself, fellas.
somehow, noone really actually cares about you. :)
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