f August 2011 ~ BeautifulSmile♥

I am perfectly made, and wonderfully flawed. Hi

Saturday, August 27, 2011

of love and friendship.

betul rupanya orang cakap bila ada masalah hati dan perasaan je baru cari kawan. 
sekarang bila dah ada someone to fill the empty spot, 
the friends are no where to be found anymore. 
i dont mind to fall out of friendship with the others that i just know of for countable days, you see. 
but i thought we were more than that. 
and when your friends around you are leaving you, you questioned them. 
i used to wonder too, you see. 
but i know why now. 
i know exactly why. 
thankyou, 'best friend'.
nanti bila dah rasa sakit lagi, barulah we could be super close again. 
but for now, 

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Sunday, August 21, 2011

one, two, buckle my shoe.

assalamualaikum. :)
hi bloggie, been missing you. :D
hi beautiful people, how have you been doing?

ignore the title. i dont know what makes me come up with that -.-
so hello again. 
right now, i am emotionally unstable. 
so if you want to keep reading, just dont take the content of this post too seriously, okay?

so i have been dealing with a bunch of people that i called as friends. 
whom i rely on the most and the ones that i least expect to hurt me. 
as we have been going almost everywhere together, share foods, things, a room to sleep and almost everything, 
i thought i deserve to be treated more than this. 
i thought i deserve to be treated as a 'friend'.

i dont expect you to bring me everywhere you went, 
i dont mind if you wanted to go wherever you want. 
i just thought it would be a little considerate if you tell me first so that i could get my other friends to go with me, 
or let me know to just be CONSIDERATE. 
that would be nice, you see?

i took you as my friend, tau tak. 
among the closest friend i had here around here.
i minimize the possibilities on talking bad about you to other people,
and i consider you and you to be the most understanding friends i could rely on to go through my days here in this place. 
but i guess i was expecting too much. 
i guess i was just the person you turn to when you need something. 
maybe i was just there to provide you with the things you lack of. 
and there is then, i dont even deserve a simple 'thankyou' from you .
but instead, i have THIS in return. 
the feeling of unimportant, 
of being used, 
and the stupid ones that consider you to be a good friend to me. 

i was wrong. 
i was always afraid of fake friends that will just use me at times in need, 
and i cant believe that its going to be you and you. 

i accept whatever happens. 
i will forgive you before i went off to sleep tonight. 
but i will never forget how you make me feel.

p/s : you cannot be right all the time, you see? sometimes you just have to think back what you have done wrong. sometimes it is not about pride, or ego. it was just friendship. plain and honest friendship. 
guess i was too naive. 
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Friday, August 12, 2011

i know where i stand

i know. i know. 
thank you very much, people. 
thanks a whole lot. 
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Friday, August 5, 2011

when you are breathing, it does not mean that you are alive.

hello people, i am smiling but inside i'm dying. 
i am tired. 
i am tired of pretending that everything is okay, 
when in fact, 
is actually even close to that one word. 
i am tired of pretending that i am that naive little girl, 
that will just smile on everything, 
that will just be okay and be happy on anything, 
and i am tired of pretending that i am still that stupid little girl, 
that i dont realize these little things, 
and i am too stupid to know all of these things.

i am going to be 19 in a few days.
i am not 9yo anymore.
you cant fool me like that.
it is so unacceptable.

i just want things to be like before...
when i can trust all of you, 
and i have nothing to worry about. 

but i got tired of believing in something not real too. 

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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

i think she was afraid to love sometimes.
i think it scared her.
she was the type to like things that are concrete,
something that you can point to and know what it was.
and i think that's why she struggle with love.
she couldn't touch it,
she couldn't hold on to it and make sure its never change.

i think she wants to point to that one person and said that. 
yes, that's him. 
that's the person that have my heart. 
the one that i love now and forever. 
 she is sure about it.
without any single doubt.

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dont look away.

i have been running away from the reality lately.
i have been avoiding the truth.
i have stop trusting random people. 

i am a mess. 
dont leave. 

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