f April 2011 ~ BeautifulSmile♥

I am perfectly made, and wonderfully flawed. Hi

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

imperfection is beauty, baby.

sometimes, we woke up and we feel good about ourselves.
and everything seems to be alright.
but then again, when you look back and realize that nothing actually turn out the way you want them to be.
because you dont always get what you want.
you get what you need.

of course, it is not easy to go through hard times.
i know.
been there, a lot of times.
but then again, at times, you just have to do something for yourself.
despite making others feel good, make yourself feel good.
especially when no one seems to be there and make you feel okay.
be there for yourself.
you are important too.

sometimes it does feel good to say stuff that more or less leave a scratch on the person's heart.
but you know, the feeling of satisfaction wont last.
because by making someone else hurt,
it wont make yourself feel better.
so why bother?
why dont you just pamper yourself and stop giving a shit about anybody else.
at least, just for a while.

and honestly speaking, again,
i am tired of trying to please everyone else.
i am tired to be careful with what everyone else might think or feel,
because they hardly even be considerate and think about what I might feel or think.
i just want to be there for myself.
i just want to give myself  a break from all the self-centered people out there.

it feels like it have been quite a while since i feel happy.
i guess i am just too busy hiding what i feel until i forgot how to be happy again.
is that bad?

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Monday, April 25, 2011

living in the world of confusion.

why you come back?
are you not done hurting me?

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Saturday, April 23, 2011

saya suka pakai baju kurung. :)

jangan confuse.
alkisahnya, saya baru lepas habis jawab paper CTU. :)
and i think it went pretty well.
macam worth it la jugak belajar sepanjang hari hingga ke pukul 3pagi -.-
oh and another thing yang membuktikan yang saya SEMANGAT GILA nak jawab paper CTU,
3 soalan essay yang sepatutnya jawab 2soalan je, 
saya pergi jawab semua soalan. -.-
macam rajin gilaa kan? -.-
memang terlalu semangat sampai tak baca arahan kat depan tu. -.-

the thing is, semalam tengok past year punya question paper.
memang ada 30 soalan objektif, 3essay and jawab semua.
tapi tadi, ada 40 questions for objective, so satu essay macam tak perlu lah jawab.
memang saya mencari kerja sebenarnya nak jawab semua -.-


tinggal lagi dua paper je.
ada paper BEL dengan paper Sosiology :)
saya tak sabar nak balik rumah
*sambil buat muka excited and lompatlompat sikit*
my last paper is on the 30th April and my uncle's engagement thingy is on the next day.
so i think it will be a tiring day.
because surely, my  family will be off to Pahang that night itself. so yea.

it is going to be the end of semester 2 and now im going to the third semester.
seriously, honestly speaking, 

and i miss my friends and besties. 

oh and i really do like wearing baju kurung. :)
have a good day, beautiful people.
till the next time :)

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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

hey beautiful people!

be strong, and everything else will fall into places :)

have a good day.
and goodluck for your upcoming exams.

how am i?
i am tremendously fine.
never felt better. :D

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Sunday, April 17, 2011

i dont know why

i have too many reasons to hate you.

but you still have me holding on.
for some reason, i just couldn't seem to understand. 
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tentang seseorang atau dua orang,

awak, lain kali kalau awak macam tak nak text saya ke apa,  cakap ajela.
tak payah nak tibatiba buat alasan tak ada mood la bagai.
macam saya kisah sangat pulak kalau awak tak nak text saya ke apa.

nampak tak ada orang tengah emo sekarang. NAMPAK TAK? hahaha. i bet he/she tak ada la emo sangat. cuma kadangkadang bengang dengan orang yang self-centered ni, tau tak self-centered tu ape? itu namanya PENTINGKAN DIRI SENDIRI, ye rakanrakan.

jadi, topik kita harini ialah, SELF-CENTERED PEOPLE, atau ORANG YANG MEMENTINGKAN DIRINYA SENDIRI. *tetibe kan.

well, i know, at some point, at alot of points actually, we have to consider ourselves up. i have one great person once said to me. before you love anyone else, learn to love yourself with your fully heart first, so that you wont put this person to your priority and do something not fair to yourself if you, perhaps, reach at that point where you are going to lose him/her. that is where you have to be selfish. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. because you are worth to be treated well by yourself too. maybe when nobody else actually cares, that is what your heart and body and soul needed you the most. be strong for yourself. sometimes, noone else actually even care about you. NO ONE. so be selfish and love yourself more.

i have been surrounded by self-centered people lately. the kind of people that tend to do something that could hurt someone either deeply or just a scratch or just bring up the total anger of someone else, and yet, expecting others to understand them instead of having them thinking what other people might think or feel. sometimes, yes, we make mistakes, we tend to do something that seems so selfish but then you not completely realize that you are hurting someone. well then, when you realize your mistake, please dont be so egoistic and wait for them to came up to you and beg to your knees for your attention and forgiveness.

because baby, it wont happen.

so this kind of selfishness is not tolerable. especially when it comes together with a little something called EGO. oh yes, everyone have a little bit of that one (ego) but the capacity of it in individuals that make it different.

at some cases, ada je rasa macam nak campak kerusi and see you DIE.

okay tak lah. i'm not that mean.

you know what, sometimes i wish.. i wish i will fall in love with someone that have had his heart broken before. so that he will understand the pain and will not tend to broke mine. and at a lot of times, i wish that those people that had once make me feel like .... will someday feel what i felt. it is all about karma. you get what you give.

hey beautiful people,
if you are hurt, if you feel the constant pain,
please just remember that you are not alone.
and just be grateful that it is better to be hurt than to not feel anything at all.

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Thursday, April 14, 2011


the honest truth is,
i really do miss what we almost had.

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Saturday, April 9, 2011

who cares, baby, i think i wanna marry you :D

my post title up here is from the song 

oh yes, it is a nice pretty song and sung beautifully by the good looking him.
but i personally think that the song is kinna stupid.
come on, marriage is not something dumb to do.
you cant just come up and say,
"i think i wanna marry you"
macam ape je -.-

oh well, the song still sound pretty good tho, no matter how stupid i think the lyrics is.

anyhoww. i am bored. alone in the room because two of my roomies have gone home.
and the other went out with my jiran.
i am stuck intheroom trying to straighten things out. 
i have activated my facebook back. :D
oh yes, you can just click at my facebook batch at the side of the page, it will lead you straight to my profile.
oh and if i dont seem to know you and you would like to add me up, you just send me a message first.
because i dont um accept request from random people.

i know facebook can be really hurtful sometimes,
but it somehow helped me taking my blindfold off.
i should thank the whole lot to facebook.
i think, if it is not for facebook, i would be dumbly believing that asshole still.

congratulations for that.

anyways, no more emo posts from me.
atleast not in this short term.
i am learning to be strong and 
and nobody worth my tears anymore.
there is nothing wrong with me or my life.
it is just not the time for me yet.
just not yet.

if you're okay with me not wanting you in my life.
that just means that you want exactly the same.
and yes, i dont want you in my life anymore.
thankyou for finding your way out of my life.
thanks a whole lot.

 i just put this video up because i have been hearing this song all day and also while im writing this post. i just thought i should give this song an honor for helping me relieving the pain. :)

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Friday, April 8, 2011


it is 127am in the morning and im still awake.
i feel fat.
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Thursday, April 7, 2011


you broke my heart. 
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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

because i have issues with people that make me feel like the stupidest person on earth.

i am not a 4yearold kid that you can lie straight to my face.
i am not that random girl by the street that you can just took her heart and make a whole fun of it.
i am not something that is made without feelings.
i am not just something else.
i am not just someone else.

i am the one that you once given me some kind of hope.
the one that thought you are just a lil bit different and perhaps a lot more interesting than others.

it turns out you being just another assholes that i always met by the streets.

dear you,
eh, who the hell you think you are ah? you think you can have EVERY FUCKING THING THAT YOU WANT? you can boss people around and tell them what to do and what not to do? you can have other people to be careful of what you might think or feel, but then you throw SHITS in return? 

hey, human being...
i am a person with heart, feelings and A FREAKING BRAIN, you know.
i sure as hell that i deserve better than this. 

i am so effed up with people that make me feel like the the most idiotic creature in this entire universe.
especially when i have decided to TRUST you.
it HURTS, you know.
but whatthehell, i dont think you even know what that means.

terimakasihbanyakbanyak. :)

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Sunday, April 3, 2011


i think if i am not being a bit heartless, 
i think i may hate the whole you right now.

i have to be heartless to cope with your attitude.

and i just hate the fact that i still want to stick around you.
i seriously fucking hate myself for that.

you should have successfully make me hate you right now.
why oh why?

and i am not heartless.
i have been hurt pretty badly too.
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Friday, April 1, 2011

i want to. but...

i am tired of being the one that have to becareful about your feelings.
when you just dont seems to give a damn.

be a little considerate.
if i am to take care of everyone else's feelings,
what about mine?

i am just tired of being NOT important to everyone.

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