f this is not ABOUT me. ~ BeautifulSmile♥

I am perfectly made, and wonderfully flawed. Hi

Friday, January 14, 2011

this is not ABOUT me.

LIFE. only four letter words but yet, no one can bond that word with the word EASY. because if it is EASY, it is not LIFE. *amende yang aku merepek ni -.-"

anyways, this is me, trying to look at life with different perspective. i am tired of assuming and expecting people to act this and that way, so here i am, to change myself. inspired by friends and mates and people surrounding, i am here to change myself in order to adapt to the situation that WILL NEVER change anymore. wow, now, that sounds more difficult than i can ever imagine.

seriously, readers, what is that that you see in me. when i am standing in front of you, what are the things that came into your mind? 

i'm a brat?
i am soft?
i am happy?
i am trying too hard to fit in?
i am FINE?

is that it? or just more of that? i dont know. somehow, i HATE the first impression. because it is hardly be true enough. but because of good first impression is what brings me to that particular person that SOMETIMES, be just so amazing. so now, i tell you what, THE NEXT TIME, when you met anyone, or talking to someone or whatsoever, just take a step back and think for a moment. maybe, JUST MAYBE, she/he is STUCK IN A PARTICULAR SITUATION that she/he HATES THE MOST and couldn't find a way out. and just have to bare STAYING and face the whole damn shits again.

bytheway, sorry kalau post kali ni emo sikit. :P

so tell me how do you feel when...

1. your BEST FRIEND in the whole world started to think that you are a bitch for DISLIKING her bastard boyfriend that is BARELY even existed and WILLING to lose you, HER FRIEND, that has been holding her back and be there for her when no one else would but she just couldn't let go of that ONE GUY that she NEVER MET, make her waited like an idiot for him for SIX FREAKING HOURS. 

2. you are feeling abit insecure about the environment THAT IS NOT NEW FOR YOU, but still feeling uncomfortable, not because afraid of the people surrounding is not being good to you, but afraid of NOT being good enough for the people surrounding. afraid of falling and not be able to get up and no one is there to help you up.

3. when you have that one person that you once loved. and then disappear. with that, you said that "yes, i dont love him anymore," and you move on, and met others. and when they are in that stage of falling, breaking down, you trying you best to be there, or to make them feel better.but yet, at times that you are in need, they just couldn't be there because they assume that your silence means that you are okay, and when you said "I'M FINE," they think you mean it without sensing the weird tone of your voice or the awkward way that you behave. sometimes they might just blame you and get to their nerves when you dont feel like telling them about the things that bothers you because, BECAUSE, just by having them with you at that particular moment makes you forget about the pain, and makes you feel A LOT MORE better and you dont want to talk about it because you dont want to lose that moments. but then, they dont seem to get it, and when they walk away, they left nothing behind but just a lot of sorrow.

4. so when you saw someone, and you like the way he look, and you trying to start a conversation and you trying to be close to him and you started to like the way he behave, and you started to fall for him and you started to use sweet words when talking, and you started to care about what they might feel, and you started to afraid that you are not good enough for him, and you started to look at other pretty girls and couldn't help but to THINK that he might have fallen for those other girls rather than yourself and then, you often losing words when talking to him and he keep disappointed with you and and and... what do you think you do next? especially when you know that he is hoping for you too.

5. if you are hoping that you could turn back time, and do things differently and then, what? do more mistakes and hoping to turn back time again?


its friday and it is really a damn cold morning here in Lendu. my class has been cancelled and i cant do anything better rather than to talk to myself and BELIEVE that things will get better in time. oh, and now its started to rain and i think im going to have a bit of sleep and then go to my next class. DAMNNNNN, LIFE IS GREAT :)


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