f May 2011 ~ BeautifulSmile♥

I am perfectly made, and wonderfully flawed. Hi

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

when your good isnt good enough.

no one wants things to mess up, beautiful people.
sometimes, we just left with no choice.
i have made my choice.
and i am no where near the regret.
for once,
i know what i did is right.
bytheway, its a beautiful song up there, 
you should listen to it,
yes, im totally into glee, okay. it is totally addicted. 

and im not missing you.
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Friday, May 27, 2011

Lendu is awaiting, Hello 3rd semester!

hello, goodmorning, everyone :)
its 604 inthemorning and i have not get my sleep yet.
tired, tho. but not sleepy.
and so i am going off to Lendu in a few hours,
have been spending the whole night packing,
and i just done baking a brownie.
not done yet, actually,
its still in the oven, and i still have to clean up the kitchen.
mom have been super nice to me.
i just thought that she deserves a little something something.
even though its just a brownie, and its not much..
but it is something.
and my little brother even willing to teman me to the shop that you can say quite far to help me get the ingredients.
thought that he deserves a little somethingsomething too.
especially when he says that he is going to miss me when i'm gone.
well of course, he said that when no one was around accept me to listen to that.
heh -.-
but i still appreciates that. really.

Lendu seems so close already.
i had enough talking about it.
i am mentally ready to face Lendu, to face the new semester.
i know it will not get any easier, but at least, this time, i will be mature in handling obstacles.
i will think twice before doing anything.
and i will put the priority to  my brain, instead of my heart.
the fact that i STOPPED believing people's words somehow working in some way.
i feel... stronger.
i am sorry, everyone.
especially the guys,
i just have to doubt your words.
because i am not that stupid anymore.

anywaaays, i dont know how my brownie will turn out like.
i used brown sugar instead of white sugar because we running out of sugar.
and i totally forgot about it.
i hope it will turn out just fine.
i haven't finish packing, tho.
i still have my clothes at the drier.
washed my last bit of clothing and waiting for it to dry off.
grab my things,
my stationaries.
i dont know what exactly to bring already.

hey, its already been 10minutes, have to check on the brownie and um finish packing.
i'll see you in Lendu, bloggie.
thankyou for being my bestfriend :)
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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

dah boleh tarik nafas lega dah, suhaidaaa :)

that is all for my result review.
enough to make me smile all night and buat sujud syukur straight away after i saw my GPAs.

yesterday night was THE NIGHT.
too many happy things happen that just blowww my mind.
i want nothing else but to be nice to everybody.
i want to be friends with all the people that more or less, taught me a pretty great deal about life.
i have been such an ass to some people.
i was not being so nice to UiTM Lendu either.
the fact that i actually refuse to go back there, and how i hate it been torturing the whole second semester...
i should be thankful for everything.

it really does feels good to FEEL GOOD, you know what i mean?

so here, right here right now,
i want to thank to everyone, EVERY SINGLE PERSON, the people at UiTM Lendu especially,
whether you have been helping me through it,
or you have just become a TOTAL PARASITE in my life at Lendu,
i would LOVE to thank each and everyone of you,
for teaching me the most valuable lesson, LESSON OF LIFE.
we've been through ups and downs,
facing some shits and get ourselves into trouble,
it is all a process of learning what LIFE is all about.
the people that have been a good company to me, THANKYOU for making me feel much appreciated and loved and for saving my bad moments there in Lendu..
and for the people that have been a total jerk and messed up my life more in Lendu, THANKYOU, for making me a fighter, and stronger each day.

and for all the other people that i might have hurted,
seriously, from the very deep part of my heart,
if i did say something too sarcastic,
if i looked at you bitchily,
if i acted the way that annoys you,
if there was anything at all. i am sorry.

i want to start a pretty new life in Lendu this new semester.
i want to stop pretending and actually try to like everyone.
try to accept them the way they are,
and most importantly,
to treat them the way i wanted them to treat me.

hello Lendu. :)
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Monday, May 23, 2011

goodmorning, beautiful people :)

pardon my breakdown yesterday.
i  feel better today :)
much better.

i don't know what is wrong with me semalam, 
so please just ignore. 
i am still standing strong, tho.
i am okay :D
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shut up, you dont know what im going tru.

i'm a liar because i wont tell you everything. 
i'm stupid because sometimes i am wrong.
i'm ugly because my face is not perfect. 
i'm a pushover because i like making people happy.
i'm fake because i'm too nice.
i'm weird because i'm not like you.
i'm fat because i eat when i'm hungry.
i'm clingy because i don't like to be alone.
i'm insecure because i care about what people think of me.
i'm no fun because i'm not always hyper.

dont try to tell me who i am.
because i already know.
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welcome to my silly life.

okay, screw my last post. lets blog.

so i have been feeling empty lately.
i dont know exactly what i want.
i hate the way that people JUDGE just because i am being myself.
if you want me to be myself then, why judge?

i am annoyed by this person that is pretty close to me.
how she/he tend to talk about something that IRRELEVANT.
something that, I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT.
talking about someone i dont even know.
i dont know. it annoys me.
and i hate how they tend to talk about me, to someone else.
when i tell you something that i dont really tell other ppl, i expect you to keep it
i am sorry that now i am reluctant to tell you anything anymore.

i hate the feeling of insecurities.
there is something always wrong about me,
about how i feel,
about what i think.
and i feel empty, really.
right now, whats on my mind is that i want to eat oreo
and i feel fat.
that is it.
and i feel like hating everybody.
and i dont know who to trust.

people judge.
and i hate that.
i dont judge people.
i dont think gays should 'dipulaukan'.
i dont think that guys that pierced are all messed up guys.
i dont just be friends with smart and rich people.
i dont care these little things.
i be friends with people i want because i love how they be there for me,
and listen.
and you know, be my friend.

sometimes there is just SOMETHING about LIFE,
or maybe about yourself,
that you could not just understand.
sometimes there is something about that person,
that person that could be someone you hate most,
but there is something, or some part of them,
where you can see YOU.

lifeless and disappointing.

i am trying to be strong all along.
but i just...
i just got tired.

life is great, indeed.
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Saturday, May 14, 2011



i know exactly what that little word means.
i know exactly how it feels to deal with the kind of people with a lot of that in self.
i know exactly who have a huge deal of that in them.
i am completely aware.

please don't treat me like someone that don't know anything. 
or perhaps just someone that just be okay with any shits you have done to me.
no, i am not going to be okay if you messes up with my already-messed up life.
thankyou, but i don't need you to add up to that.

my job is not to please you all way long.
i am not made to make you feel good, 
to feel like there is someone that will always be there to fill up the empty moments, when you are BORED.
and at other times, you just push her away.
and when she cant be there to fill up your BORED moments, 
you just going to get upset and treated her as someone that make some huge mistake,
that you couldn't just to give her some space to, perhaps, apologize.

i am a girl with ego too, i can say. i know i have that too.
everyone does.
but i surely know how to handle it.
i know how to apologize when i know i did something wrong.
but a lot of times, i did apologize to something that i didn't even know what i did wrong.
i know how to thank to people that made my day, 
i know how express my feelings correctly.
i know what i am doing. 
you know nothing about me to simply judge me like how you want to.
that is what you ALWAYS do pun, JUDGE PEOPLE. all the time.

if you want to talk about limits, then lets talk about limits.
i have to know my LIMITS when talking to you so that i wont hurt you much?
what about your limits, doing stuff that rip the hell out of my heart,
say some stuff that clearly JUDGE me that make me feel like slapping you every time i hear it.
if i have to know where my limits are, what about your limits, then?

when you did something wrong and i tend to ignore you, you just let me be and ignore me back.
and i have to come to you because i want to make it clear to you that i love having you around.
for that, i have to apologize and turn everything around make it look like it was my mistake.
when i seem to do something wrong, you tend to ignore me too.
but i make some effort to know what are the real reasons are.
and again i have to apologize and make things straight.
but i don't mind.
just thought it is better that way than not knowing anything.

and still, i am the one you blame for being ego.

i fell for you and it hurts much because you wasn't there to catch me.
i honestly believed in you and it clearly turns out to be a mistake.
 i could be hoping that i don't even met you before or 
i wish you never existed,
but why should i waste my time wishing for something no good 
when i can just close my eyes and let you go 
and believe that someone is just waiting to be found.

i am not pretty,
i am not smart.
i am not so sure you are anything close to that either.
i am never to look down or you.
i never judge you.
i don't care if you are gay,
or not so clever,
or egoistic,
or a bad-mouthing person, 
because i don't judge who my friends are.
but now,
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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

terrible things

i have obviously fell in love with the song TERRIBLE THINGS by Mayday Parade that my friend here, amadsazni introduced me to. its the lyrics of the song that got me deep into it. it also reminded me of the movie A Walk To Remember  more or less, its the almost same story.

so here, right now, i want to talk a bit about terrible things in life.
what are the terrible things that life had put you into?
i am so sure there's a lot.
i am sure there are a lot of things that make you feel so fucked up,
or maybe have you wish that you could do something like turning back time or have the power to fix everything.
or perhaps at the other time, you caught yourself wishing for something that you know will never come true but you close your eyes, almost everyday, every night, still wishing for it to happen.
because you believe in miracle and you know that NOTHING is impossible in order to pursue happiness.

thats right, it is all about achieving that little thing; HAPPINESS.

i am no exception.

terrible things happen to me a lot too.
sometimes just beyond my strength to drag it along my way.
terrible things just happen and it will never let you go because someway, it is the one that make you learn about life. about the real world.
of course, it will stuck you up in a misery.
sometimes for a while,
sometimes for a long time,
sometimes forever.

but i learn something, some days before.
life always messes you up.
terrible things happen and sometimes you have NO ONE to blame, or you just have to blame EVERYBODY, or you keep blaming YOURSELF.
the thing is, you dont have to point out your finger to anyone.
people make mistakes and people change and some of them just enjoy being a bitch.
all you have to do is just forgive and forget and ignore those bitches as you possibly could.
i know it is easy said then done.
but better try then to let yourself down, right?
these miserable things are just the things that make you stronger and wiser in experiencing life.
take it as a process of growing up

i caught me letting myself drown in misery a lot of times in my 18++ years if living.
and i know there are more to come.
i have let myself drown a lot of times before.
i just hope that when i get caught in the same situation again,
i will read what i just wrote up there and just live the life.
being miserable, is not a healthy way to grow up.
move on, smile away and heal the pain yourself.
and thank everyone that have been a bitch to you FOR MAKING YOU A FIGHTER. :)

have a good day, beautiful people .
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Monday, May 9, 2011

expecting the unexpected.

you walk alone and you join the crowd. you see an old couple holding hands and eating ice-cream, you smile and be happy for them and silently hope that you will be in the same situation as they are in years to come. you walk down the road and you meet a diverse road, you ask yourself which one to choose because you dont know where any of the roads lead you to. you bump into a stranger, you crack a smile and you never know that he/she is the one that will complete your life.

who cares if you are in misery?
sadness dont worth to be paid to much attention to.
and NOTHING, nothing will stop me.

i dont care if i ended up hurting myself. i dont care if it ended up to be a mistake. i dont care. i dont care. i will do what i feel like i want to do. another heartbreak wont kill me. i will survive.
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Friday, May 6, 2011

6th May 2011

Happy Birthday, tough guy!

nama mamat kat atas ni Khairi Abdullah.
he is my friend, bestfriend, you can say.
even though we are not as close as we can be before,
but i am still glad we found each other.
i am still glad to call you my friend.
take a close look, everyone,
he is single and available. :D
and no doubt, a good friend too. 

eyri gemuk! 
semoga dipanjangkan umur dan dimurahkan rezeki,
may the 19th years of living will give you something valuable and meant something more in your life.
i wish you have the best in life
and have a blissful days ahead.
sayang kamu always.

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