f The Sky Is Still Blue ~ BeautifulSmile♥

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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

The Sky Is Still Blue

I knew something was not right.
I knew that something will come out of nowhere and just blow everything up.
I knew something would happened.
But I least expect that coming.

Socializing sometimes makes me incredibly anxious. But there are certain people in my sphere who make me feel okay to be the most genuine version of myself, like there is nothing wrong with my true personality and I don't have to morph myself into something I'm not to have fun with them.
We went karaoke-ing yesterday, Ainur, Hafiz and me.
And we ate more pizzas than we should have and my stomach has not forgiven me for the amount of cheese I consumed.
With the heaviest of heart, I headed back to my house.
The moment I get into the car, I knew that I can not run anymore.
And it happened again.
Just like the previous days, the same shits, the same stories, the same people, the same disappointments.
But this time, I ran out of ideas to keep myself numb.
I couldn't believe my ears.
Wondering if this is really happening.
Wondering if these people are really this immature, inconsiderate and short-minded.
Wondering if they might have think of me, or the other people around them if they are okay about what's going to happen.
Too many questions, too much anger.
But I just sit there.
Taking every bit of word that he threw to me.
Swallow it and accept it like I have no other choice.
Because it has always been about him.
Always been about them.
And I will be just fine.
Doing my normal routine like problems never did come to me.
Smile and laugh and always be their happy charm.
Not knowing that deep inside, they are creating a monster.
A monster that feed on my sadness, misery and agony.

But I am going to be okay.
I promised that I wont whine.
At this moment, I don't care if nothing is going to be okay
because there are people who like me enough to scream the worst song ever with the terrible retarded-monkey voice with me.
Whatever that is going to happen will happen.
God knows what He is doing, and I am sure whatever happens is for the better.
I have no more tears to shed in this darkest moment of my life.
But the sky is still blue today, and the sun still shine.
For the better or worst, I am just going to pretend that everything is going to be okay.
I mean, that is what all of us are good at, isn't it? -- Pretending.

Good day, beautiful people. :) 


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