when you are breathing, it does not mean that you are alive.

hello people, i am smiling but inside i'm dying. 

i am tired. 

i am tired of pretending that everything is okay, 

when in fact, 

NOTHING

is actually even close to that one word. 

i am tired of pretending that i am that naive little girl, 

that will just smile on everything, 

that will just be okay and be happy on anything, 

and i am tired of pretending that i am still that stupid little girl, 

that i dont realize these little things, 

and i am too stupid to know all of these things.

i am going to be 19 in a few days.
i am not 9yo anymore.
you cant fool me like that.
it is so unacceptable.

i just want things to be like before...

when i can trust all of you, 

and i have nothing to worry about. 

but i got tired of believing in something not real too.