words from the heart.

dear heart, 
hey, everything is okay. please not to worry too much. everything is under control.

love, 

me

*sigh*
i really wish that there is such thing as a guideline in life that tell us what to do next.
because at this very moment, i have no freaking idea where to go next, what is the best thing to do next, what is the best words to speak, what is the best decision to make.

yes, at this point, i am tired of pretending to be okay to hide out my no-i-am-no-okay.

i want to go home.
i do, i really do.
but i know i will be just fine here. im a big girl now, i will survive being away from family.

i want to make everything straight again. i sure did several mistakes. but i am not fit to be punished this way. how can i possibly please everyone.

thankyou. thankyou for making me feel like a total jerk.

untuk awak pulak, saya dah tak enjoy talking to you tau tak. you talk to me macam i am just so stupid to understand what you are saying. you want to sound that you are so smart and so humble and so perfect. but it doesn't seem to work on me. i want the old you when we can talk for hours and laughed over some stupid things, laugh out loud when any of us being so bimbo. i miss having the chat until two or three in the morning, and all we talked about was how stupid the both of us can be.

i miss us being stupid.

imissyou. like so bloody hell much. but now i got the feeling that you are just COMPLETELY gone and most unlikely to be found.


i might look just fine, i might sound okay. but i right now, i feel like screaming. SCREAM MY FREAKING HEART OUT. now, that would be fun. please take me away.

i need you now.