Apprehensive

It's not that I don't love you. 
I am just afraid.
Afraid of falling in love, falling into something that feels unreal. 
Afraid of holding on to something that I cannot touch, feel, smell or see... holding on to the unsure feelings. 
I'm afraid because I don't know what is it. 
Was it love, or lust, or am I just lonely? Maybe I just need some kind of distraction, maybe I liked you, maybe I care, or I don't. I don't know. 

Or maybe I was afraid of getting hurt. 
Afraid to lose you at the tip of my fingertips. 
Afraid with the fact that you might found someone else, someone better. 
Afraid that I couldn't find someone else if that happens. 
Afraid that maybe you are my greatest mistake and regret.
Afraid of losing myself in exchange with the feelings of wanting you. 

I'm afraid of falling in love. 
Because it is not something concrete, something real -- something that I could touch and hold and make sure I won't lose it.  
It's about taking chances, and gamble your way down the road. 
where will it go, how will it end? 
Can you tell?
Can you point at someone and scream to the world that you are sure that that person is made for you? 
Can you be sure that that particular person will stay with you and love your flaws?
Could you tell? 




I'm sorry because I can't. And I am not ready to take any chances for now. 
I am sorry.