another birthday

i never had a proper post for you, ryte?

so this time its for you.

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY, FAIRUZ!! XD

you are finally 17, kan?

sekarang you dah sama umur dengan i!

haha.

we never did have this conversation about age, kan?

maybe adelah, but mostly i tak kisah, because i know that you are only my fren.

i still remember, tho, the first time we met.

actually, back then i ingat you Indian.

not to be racist, but i never pay much attention to you realizing that you are an Indian.

until one day, when i was walking with tina, and we met you.

for some reason, you talked to me.

eh, you melayu ke?

ye, saya melayu. kenapa?

no, i thought you are christian or anything.

no, i'm malay

name sape?

suhaida.

oh, saya fairuz.

omg, you melayu ke?

haha. yes. myanmar mix actually, mak melayu, ayah myanmar.

i see..

...

...

eh, sape name you tadi?

suhaida.

su.. hai.. da... ?
*nodnod*

nice name.

thanks. :)

i tak lupa lah, fairuz

 i still thought the days we hang out together is fun.

sometimes we are not even talking, and i just laugh for no reason at all.

the day that i was sitting right next to you and you actually texted me to tell me that you think i look so pretty that day.

and i think that is cute, serious.

when you keep buying me BIG bar of black forest Cadbury chocolate with intention to make me appear FATTER. -.-

i'm not going to lie, but you does makes me happy.

even for a while.

thanks.

and the thing we had.

seriously, i thought you was the one that going to save me from keep drowning in the endless sea.

but i got that wrong.

i have tried to tell you, fairuz.

i've told you i cant imagine we being together and for me, i thought frenship is enough.

i cant have more than that with you.

when i realize that i'm in love with my ex-boyfren,

you never know how guilty i felt.

you dont know what feelings i had for you.

i dont know how to tell you that i can never feel the same for you.

i cant find a way.

until there is a moment,

when my friend lend me a hand.

she did something that she knows i can NEVER do.

she broke your heart.

pretty badly.

i was so disappointed with you.

you tell me that you never going to give up,

and

i keep talling you that 

IT NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

you never listen, fairuz.

you left me with NO OTHER CHOICE.

i dont want to repeat the whole same story.

i just want to say i'm sorry for whatever had happened, alright?

i know you probably wont never forgive me,

but that is the only way i can make you realize that i never going to love you.

i will come back to you and apologize.

and yes, there is one thing you got right.

i was angry and disappointed and annoyed.

but i didn't hate you.

i just dont like you.

HATE

is a strong word.

i'm sorry.

i hope one day, we can be frens again.

happy birthday :)