tired of drama...

dramadramadrama.

btw, is that title always means a negative post?

hahaha!

i dont feel so good right now.

not so to post a good post. 

so, i might be crapping.

btw, i am not suppose to be entering any social networking or an online diary because

I HAVE NOT DONE WITH MY FREAKING SPEECH OUTLINE!
but, wth. i do need some entertainment too, dont i? 

i have been using a lot of Google translator in order to understand MOST of the words in my research about chocolates; my "informative" speech going-to-be-about.

so depressing.

WHAT CAN YOU POSSIBLY DONT UNDERSTAND ABOUT CHOCOLATE??

i dont want my speech to be so heavy with facts.

i should think of something to make my speech more light and acceptable and understandable.

haish.

that's tough, dont you think?

oh, whatthehell. i gotta make my speech sounds good no matter how. 

lets forget about assignment for a while, shall we?

i want to talk about what is on my mind right now.

wellwell.

im thinking about chocolate.

i know, its irrelevant.

oh wait.

im thinking about you too.

semak je dalam kepala otak i. huh.

heyhey.

walaupun i tak berapa nak pay attention bile you cakap dengan i tadi, 

but i totally understand your situation.

if it is for me, i just go with the easy way;

"yeah, sure, whatever. you have change, so typical."

but i understand that she is your bestfriend. :)

someone that you rather lost connection awhile with me but so not with her.

fahamfaham sangat.

i malas la nak cakap banyakbanyak.

and you tak payah la rase bersalah sangat.

it is your freaking blog, btw. suke hati you la nak tulis ape.

kalau die tak suke, tak payah la nak bace kan.

tapi she did the right thing too, which is post on her blog instead,

which i can say again,

ITS HER BLOG KAN, SUKE HATI DIE LA NAK TULIS APE. 

KALAU YOU TAK SUKE, TAK PAYAH LA BACE.

:P

but

that is not how BESTFRIENDS do, ayte?

so think about it. 

maybe she is trying to make it clear for you that...

she is not the same person you know anymore.

or maybe, yes, she is busy. even mase raya

or she just want you to stay out for a while.

or.

or.

keep guessing.

im tired.

i got tired easily these days. 

well, not physically.

just when in comes about thinking and stuff like that.

maybe i have been thinking too much.

about studies,

about families,

about friends,

about myself,

...

i dont wanna feel stupid or act stupid anymore.

SO I HAVE TO THINK DEEP!

but i still cant help.

im still wondering

WHY THE HELL I AM THE ONLY ONE FEELING IT!
so not fair.

and its quite depressing when i busy thinking about others,

they busy worrying about someone else.

quite depreesing feeling so less important.

and i dont wanna turns out to be as emo shit as you-know-who.

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i miss you, bloggie :D

poyo je.

macam bertahun je tak update blog, kaan?

haha.

bila dah balik rumah, semakin malas nak berfikir depan komputer. haha.

tapi terpaksa, kene buat assignment.

currently in Pahang. :)

my dearest hometown.

living with my dearest unty. :D

abah and ma dah balik.

and saya terpaksa ditinggal sebab i have to bake those cakes for my open house this saturday.

since ma will be busy cooking and stuff, i think i shud borrow my unty's kitchen, instead to bake two or three different kind of cakes for the open house. :)

so yea. here i am.

first of all...

i wanna thank my 

ke-AWESOME-ted BESTFRIEND

for the best outing :)

it have been a while since we went out together, dont you think?

its been fun.

karaoke-ing for 3hours straight in PUASA DAY, 

memang kerja gila la kaan?

haha..

i dont wanna talk about what happen at TGI Friday's

or what you wrote on the cake.

but i do wanna talk about the big TEDDY BEAR!
thanks, ainur, for the fat teddy that looks alot like you.

HAHA!
jkjk. 

:P

ilysfdm.

so,

rayarayaraya.

it has been fun :)

tak jadi balik negeri sembilan, i kinna upset about that. hurm.

tobehonest, FIRST RAYA IN N9 IS LIKE AWEEESOMEE. 

haha.

no joke.

my unty's house in pahang have been quite tiring.

ppl keep coming, nonstop.

one after another.

but then its been fun :)

i mean, that is what raya is all about, ritee? haha.

em.

more stories later.

have to go finish up my outline :)

xx

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mood : *tears

hey you.
i'm sorry

...

ape yang berlaku antara kita, memang su tak jangka lansung. seriously, trully unexpected. yang pasal seseorang tu pun, su memang tak sangka orang yang, bagi su, sebaik itu, ruparupanya tetap tidak boleh dipercayai.
for some freaking reason, i already love all of you as if we are family. for some freaking moments, i do feel happy HAVING SUCH WONDERFUL SISTERS, live with them, spend most of my time with them, share a room with them, gossips together in bed till midnight and maybe more, since i never did have anyone to do such things with before.
each and everyone of you have been a part of my life. hanging out with you is like THE SWEETEST THING. after all the shits assignments and lousy classes sometimes, the best part of my day is always when i am with you, you, you and every''you'.
i promise, when i commited MY MISTAKE, i have NO OTHER FREAKING INTENTION to sell your names to others. never at all. and i could swear to you that i thought that only ME, HER and HER know about it. not until you mention about it.
and i was furious too, knowing that.
because i too, did not know anything about it. i did not know that someone else know about it.

sekarang, bila semua dah jadi macam ni, semua nak tundingtunding jari kan? these kind of things is normal la. i know we can go through it together. i am FREAKING HOPE SO.
because...
i love all of you.
and this is no drama. deep down there inside my heart, yes i do.
EVERYONE.
especially you and you and you and you :)

yes, sayangs, i cried. but not because i felt too much guilty or feel the tense of the fight or because i wanted to creat some drama or seeking for attention...
...
but i know that from now on, things can never be the same anymore.
people will be more aware,
more SARCASTIC,
more keeping things to themselves,
more AWKWARD.
i know that i can no more go to that particular room and treated her the same way anymore because i do feel the pain too.
i know that you and you will no more look at us the same way anymore knowing that we have the FREAKING GUTS to do this to you.
i know things wont be the same anymore.
and i am going to miss us.

specially to kipasmate and miss baju-kurung-cantik,

su sayang korang.

i'm sorry.

please dont leave me behind.

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talking about ....

i have been happy.
:)
and it feels really good.
thanks to my fabulous friends and you.
you did not do anything much, but still, it makes me happy ^^

so and so. story number onee.
HE IS BACK.
the one guy i am feeling guilty of, back hunting my life.
at first, he was just wishing me happy birthday.
then, he ask me to approve his friend request in facebook.
which is now i decided not to.
why?
masih belum bersedia menerima si dia.
oh, yes. walaupun sebagai kawan.
he said he'd change.
but then, he still sound like the old typical him.
and i, so not going to stuck with that one person i hated AGAIN.
thanks, but, i had enough.
just, go grow up first, will ya?
:)

next is about him.
hey. thanks for the sweet short messages you've send to me.
:)
somehow, it does makes me smile.
but gimme some time, ayte?
you're a sweet guy.
thanksalot.


and to my best friend here,
i am so sorry about what had happened to you.
i couldn't believe that when everything had settle down for me, things got on you pulak.
she have change you.
i can somehow feel that.
sometimes, i feel like i missed the old you.
i missed the long messages.
the funfunfunfunfun talk.
its not that now our talk is not fun.
but its just that its kinna dull because you're unhappy.
but its okay la. i dont blame you.
whatever problem you have with her, just settle that down, okay?
i miss that tone voice of yours when you sounded so happy.
even back then, when you were talking about her.
to be honest, if i were you, i'd be single already for now.
its not that i ask you to break, i understand how much you love  her,
but then, i dont want you to be in such grief anymore.
i miss you being happy.
:)
that is one thing i adore about you,
i tak mungkin jadi sesabar you. :)
and dont tryna act happy while with me. i can still sense your grief.
kita bukan baru kenal semalam.

NEXTNEXT!
MY NEW ADDICTION!

semenjak kau hadir dalam hidupku

tiada lagi keresahan

kau mengetuk pintu hatiku

tanpa sedar hingga ku izinkan

kau yang bernama cinta

kau yang memberi rasa

kau yang ilhamkan bahagia

hingga aku terasa indah

maaf jika ku tidak sempurna

tika bahagia mula menjelma

bila keyakinan datang merasa

kasiih disambut dengan kejujuran

mencintai dirimu

merindui dirimu

memiliki dirimu hingga akhir hayat bersama kamu.

kauang bernama cinta 

kau yang memberi rasa

kau yang ilhamkan bahagia

hingga aku rasa indah

kau yang bernama cinta

hingga aku rasa indaaaah.

<3

YANG TERINDAH BY DAKMIE

(clicktohearsong)

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IT WAS MY BIRTHDAAY! :)

happy birthday to you

happy birthday to you

happy birthday to su

happy birthday to youuuu

:)

WHO EVER THE HELL THAT WISHED ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY,

  I LOVE ALL OF YOU!

So, my awesome birthday starts here.

i was studying, in my room, as so as my other roommates.

then, one of her just came up to me at wxact midnight and shouted

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SU!!

ye, AMALINA RASHID @ MAL @ MACHED, kamu adalah orang yang pertama wish saya birthday.

thankyou, KIPASMATE. :)

so, lepas tu, datanglah genggeng bilik karpet yang lain.

dan menyanyikan lagu happy birthday untuk saya. :)

the next day,

THERE GOES MY AWESOME CLASSMATES, yang turut beramairamai menyanyikan birthday song dalam kelas.

and so, my fon cant stop ringing.

and kakak2 senior yang same level, lepas bace yassin, boleh pulak nyanyikan lagi untuk saya.

and all the facebook-ers.

ex-assuntarians.

lotsofhearts <3

THANKYOU FOR MAKING MY DAY. :)

later that day, on the 27th, my day start with tears.

well, obviously, not a good start of a day.

why?

haha. dont ask.

because it is still unacceptable.

when you felt so isolated, so far away and so unimportant.......

but then, i have THEM

INTAN SYAZLIANA (kaklong)

SUHAILI NADIAH ( kaksu)

AMALINA RASHID (kakpupu)

MIA MAYA (ice-cream goreng)

yang telah menculik saya keluar UiTM and turn it into an AWESOME day.

entah bila diorang beli chocolate indulgence, AND I SERIOUSLY HAVE NO CLUE!

you guys are the best. :)

sayangsangatsangat.

thankyousomuch.

will remember you always. :)

to my BESTFRIEND for eternity,

AINUR SYAHIRA and BERNICE SEW.

cant wait to go back and spend the time with you, next.

eventhough i have great birthday with such great frens, here.

still, u'd be the best fren for all time.

LOVE!

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BLANK

this is what happen when you wanna say something.

but you cant find the perfect words.

bytheway, can i have that smile once again?

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out of an ordinary ringring!

me, him

hey.

hmm?

remember when i told you i have something to tell you?

aaa?

ingat tak?

yupyup. what is it?

errmm.. aduuh. malu ah plaak.

huh?

haha, poyo je nak malu :P

LOL. cakap je laa.

ayte.

...

I LOVE YOU.

whaaat?

I... LOVE... YOU....

....

....

hahaha *awkward laugh* you kidding.

no i'm not.

yes you are!

serious shit, i'm not.

...

*starts to mumble, out of embarassment*

...

how can you be so sure?

i dont know. this is about me, about something i feel inside my heart. something that i cannot lie. something that you have to know.

and about i said just now, i am freaking serious.

so what you want me to do?

aaa? erh.. gah! susah laa.. emm... wait, u okay tak?

huh? um. yeah. cakap je la. i nak dengar.

sure?

yeah.

okaay. its just that.. if it possible la... i want to be your boyfriend..

hahaha. craaaazy!

huh?

wait. dont you think this is like going too fast?

i know. i know. but....

i still dont understand, you barely even know me...

i faham.

but its like...

LOVE AT THE FIRST SIGHT, you know?

...

sometimes when you feel like crying,

doesn't always mean that you're upset or sad or too happy.

but....

thankyou

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10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

I hate the way you talk to me,

 and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car.

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots,

 and the way you read my mind.

 I hate you so much it makes me sick;

 it even makes me rhyme.

I hate it,

 I hate the way you're always right.

 I hate it when you lie.

 I hate it when you make me laugh,

 even worse when you make me cry.

 I hate it when you're not around,

 and the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.

 Not even close,

 not even a little bit,

 not even at all.

just fall in love with thIS BEAUTIFUL poem.
to ainur : I KNOW! XD

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CONFUSED AND LOST.

hey there, loyal readers <3

its thursday. 19th of august 2010. and I AM LOST.

i dont knw what is wrong. last night, i stay up until 3, had my sahur and slept at 4. not to sound nerdy but, i was TRYING TO study. i really hope i could stand the pressure of my first ever test here, in UiTM.

err.

yes, i too, did not see anything confusing in that situation.

so, here is the confusing part.

I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ME!

i felt awkward. yes, even to myself. towards my studies. people around me. him. i feel like i am not myself, but this is the real me, you know what i mean? of course NO. because i dont even know what I meant. this awkward feeling, is just so confusing. VERY CONFUSING. *sigh*

being homesick is not a good thing too. feeling strong, at the same time, fragile, is another confusing thing. i know i can go through this. i know i can stand here alone, without my family, my bestfriends. well, almost everyone here experienced the same thing. but, as for me..... i laugh A LOT! having a total great time, in class, in hostel, with all the lecturers and friends. but when i felt close to home, especially with the smell of my bedsheet and my bearbear, my desire to be at home is just too much.

but dont worry, i'm not gonna break down and cry for home -_-"

jee, im much stronger than that.

...

and i'm lost.

sometimes too much to think about.

sometimes lost in a crowd.

sometimes just lost somewhere, somehow...

please bring me back into reality.

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all time favourite

kiss me

out of the bearded barley

nightly

beside the greengreen grass

swingswing

swing the spinning steps

you wear those shoes

and i will wear that dress

ohh

kiss me

beneath the milky twillight

lead me

upon the moonlit floor

lift your open hand

strike up the band

and make the fireflies dance

silver moon's sparkling

so, kiss me

kiss me

down by the broken tree house

swing me

upon its hanging tire

bringbring

bring your flowered hat

we'll take the trail marked on your father's map

ohh, kiss me

beneath the miliky twillight

lead me

upon the moonlit floor

lift your open hand

strike up the band

and make the fireflies dance

silver moon's sparkling

so, kiss me

lalala

lalala

ohh, kiss me

beneath the milky twilight

lead me

upon the moonlit floor

lift your open hand

strike up the band

make the fireflies dance

silver moon's sparkling

so, kiss me

now, kiss me..

lalala

lalala

click to hear song

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